When December comes, do you usually look back at your year to analyze what you have accomplished or not, what has changed and make new year resolutions? I can’t help not to.
So December is finally here.
Last year, by the end of December, I was in Florianopolis, a beach in southern Brazil. As New Year’s Eve came up, a mixed feeling of happiness and anxiety took me over. The only certainty that I had is that I would leave on the following months, even though I had no idea where to, when or for how long. All I had was the board with the things I wanted to accomplish, which I already posted about here. The rest was just a big question mark, where I couldn’t imagine the places I would go to, the people I would meet…nothing at all.
As the end of this year approaches, I can’t help looking back to everything that happened in 2013. In the first months of the year, all I could think about was leaving to another country. Many of my conversations, the board on my wall, my researches on the internet, my feelings, my thoughts…even on Saturday nights, when I was at some party, I was frequently thinking that soon I would no longer be there to enjoy those songs and places with my beloved friends – my thoughts can be quite dramatic at times. My dreams were constantly taking me somewhere else. At least once a week I dreamt I was travelling…From paradisiac beaches to a ranch in Montana watching the sunset. I never wanted something so bad.
I guess all of that simply reflected a wish that had been inside of me for so long, since I was a little girl. The desire to fly away, to find out whatever there is to be found out there, and I have to say I am really glad I finally did it. It’s a calm feeling of accomplishment and inner peace. Isn’t it funny how sometimes our heart, our inner self already knows what we truly want? All we have to do is listen, and follow whatever your heart tells us. Cheesy, but at least in my case, it turned out to be true.
This year, my personality got stronger. I learned the importance of speaking your mind sometimes, the importance of not being around people who don’t add to your life, the importance of standing up to what you believe, and all of this made me see what my true values really are. It was a year of big and small accomplishments and also controversial feelings. The deep desire to leave mixed with the pain of leaving everyone I loved behind mixed with the joy of finding more people to love on the other side of the world; The frustration of getting so many “NO’s” and feeling incapable mixed with the certainty that I could not lose hope mixed with the current feeling that there aren’t “NO’s” anymore, that if I managed to live in India, I am strong enough to do anything; the desire to leave mixed with the desire to stay…this year was a roller-coaster.
Without a doubt, 2013 was a landmark for me. From anxiety in January, to the departure in May, many experiences and discoveries throughout the year and the certainty in December that I want more. Maybe I still don’t know what will happen in 2014, but I do know I want more. More diving into the unknown, more nostalgic moments, more incredible places, more interesting people, more adventures, more knowledge, more falling in love with life.
So far, 2014 is still a blank page. The only 2 certainties I have are:
1. I will not stop travelling.
2. I am done working for other people. If I can live in India, I for sure can have my own business, even while travelling.
Sounds big, huh? Well, I guess it sort of is a big step. But I do believe that everything will be fine, even if I have to fall and get back on my feet a few times..mistakes are part of the process, and all you have to do is keep trying. Yes, I can be annoyingly optimistic.
What about you? Was 2013 a good year? Did you get what you wished for? If not, why not and what can be improved so it works next time? What do you wish for in 2014 and how do you plan to accomplish it? Let me know, I would love to hear more about it!